Death of a visible man (Fraser)

This is an autobiographical account of a man who has been left out of society. Set in his ways like the humble pilgrim, he must find his way through the maze of bamboozling screens, letters that squiggle and that we can’t quite see without our imaginary glasses what we've forgot at home, phone contracts and the fallout of a long term relationship. A man from a generation of grafters and schemers, where by hard work were that of physical attributes and tangible achievements. This man, is Dad. This Dad is my Dad. Dad is Dad. He’s nothing but Dad. And Dad being Dad, can’t quite adapt to being ‘Not so much Dad any more’. Let me clarify what I’m talking about before I go any farther. (See what I did there). Dad is the man who gives you that running push on your bike as you wobble precariously down the park path, and, who applies the plaster to your subsequent grazed knee. Dad is the chief who fashions your sausage and mash into a ‘hedgehog’. But what happens to Dad when you finally achieve your diploma in bike riding? Or when the hedgehog’ you used to consume becomes politically incorrect? What happens, when you grow up? I’m not talking about the new hairs that you can’t explain and make you feel self-conscious, or the endless spot treatments and half cracked voices. I’m talking about the forgotten Dad. What happens to a retired superhero? When your screens becoming more touching that your physical relationships and the family that has forgotten, or forsaken, the picturesque landscape of family bike rides and days out in the sunny parks. (How touching) Gone are the days when children were content with climbing trees and grazed knees. (Oh that rhymes). In some respect, this may even become somewhat of a social commentary, of which stuffy political commentators will refer to as they dam the generation they raised as being anti-social, ultra-violent and self-obsessed.  Or should that be ‘selfie obsessed’. The fact that the word ‘selfie’ doesn’t have an underpinning red highlight or even meek purple line, is a damming testament to this documentation and stuffy observation. I digress. What I am meaning to do is to put you into a context. I want to tell you the story/observation of my own Dad. The trials and tribulations of the man that time simply forgot. That we all forgot. Maybe that is going a bit too farther. I’m sure that there are many Dads right now who are content with flicking through ipads, maybe even reading this very text with that judgemental parental eye that is deemed a qualification of experience after producing offspring. But what about those who cannot caress the screens of delicately? This is the story of the invisible Dad.

I may begin with the rhetoric that the saddest time in any parent’s life is when their precious darling finally decides to fly the coop. Whether it be to university or prison, watching their youngsters meander into the sunset is the hardest part of a parent’s life. Finally accepting that they are no longer your baby, but of course, will always be your baby because he will always come by to do their seasonal washing trip and scrounge the occasional tenner or the occasional rent money off you so it will be like they never left won’t it???? They never really grow up do they??? No they don’t!! Oh no they don’t!! Is the hardest part of parenthood. They do grow up. They just don’t change very much. Evidence of this? Myself of course. However, I disagree with the current practise of parental guidance rhetoric. I see it as a polity that can resolved to a pin point place in time. The saddest part of a parent’s life is when your little darlings need you but don’t need you. When you are tolerated in the confines of the communal areas of the established house, but are unwelcome in others. Despite paying for and owning that room, its contents and reproducing the new owner of these possession, you’re no longer welcome to enter, touch, mess or handle such property as it becomes the property of MINE and MY inc with chief executives ‘enter your little shit’s name here’.   You see, when Dad first signed that dotted line on that rough copy draft of a birth certificate, he willingly but unwittingly, signed a contract that gave ownership and entitlement to designated spaces within his current and future living occupations over to MINE and MY inc, owned respectively by ‘enter your little shit’s name here’.  Moreover, Dad subsequently agreed to forsake all ownership of any and all necessary worldly possessions to MINE and MY inc and is contractually obligated to continue this process until the sweet release of death.  Although the terms and conditions of MINE and MY inc’s agreement are obscure and various, the pre-conceptual notion of the right to ownership, as disclosed in the birth right contact, of house hold commodities is an ever present factor in the domestic. As such MINE and MY inc have a stake in everything of edible value. WHO ATE MY CRISPS FOR MY LUNCH??tm. The trade marking is endless and ingenious and can be applied to many other of your possessions. ‘STOP USING WITH MY SPOT CREAM, I’M BLOODY SICK OF IT’[1]. Essentially, anything and everything your parents own is trade marked by MINE and MY inc respectively. And that is what the current agreement in every house hold inhabited by children and young adults ever. Ever ever. So this is what Dad has become. The product of a shady contractually agreement that sounded too good to be true. The fallacy of entitlement and ownership by MINE and MY inc is unquestioned and unchallenged for the remained or his life. 

But unlike last year’s family entertainment package, you can’t simply call Raji from BT customer care to request a new one. A farther is for life, not just for Christmas. Not just until you get bored of it or sick of it or hate it. This is 1997’s finest dial up you can’t afford to replace. This is getting a Myspace the day Facebook took over. It’s out of touch but you should love it. This man is lost in translation. And while the screens slowly invade our lives further, our vision becomes obscured by fart apps and tinder profiles, we forget to see the death of a visible man. Right in front of our very screens we see the family member splashed across Facebook come fathers and then forgotten about for the rest of the year or until we need something. The man we roll our eyes at, spread across the sofa watching Pawn-stars on Quest is no longer really needed. The fallout of a thirty year relationship as a testament to the past was the last glimpse of a life before redundancy. His world is slowly shrinking because he can only function in the mind-set of ‘Super Dad’ whose CV boats achievement of ‘teaching you to ride a bike, teaching you to swim, providing for your every need unconditionally’. However we regret to inform you that your experiences are not relevant to us. We thank you for taking an interest in our lives and we will be in touch shortly when we need something. 




[1] Shepherd, Molly. STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF. (MINE and MY inc, published rants, Penguin, 2015).

I'll meet you in the middle

I'm not very good at starting blogs, well to be honest, I;ve never started a blog before in my life. Is this how you start blogs? We'll I've started now so I might as well continue...

Well, welcome! This is a blog for both myself and Charlotte. Think Nick Hornby writing a blog.

I suppose a bit of background is in order too. Well we both met at university in, well, lets say quite unusual circumstances. Ever heard of the rule 'Never date flatmates?' Yeah well neither have we,,,

Its quite interesting as we're almost juxtaposed. I (Fraser) live in London whereas Charlotte lives in a field somewhere 'Up north' and regards where I live, and any place subsequently south of where she lives as 'Not north'.  In fact if it wasn't for university, we most certainly would have never met and I would most certainly not be sat here on a rainy Sunday afternoon breaking my blog virginity.

Charlotte has a somewhat successful Youtube account or a 'booktuber' in the colloquial slang of Youtube world. I also have a not so successful Soundclould account, which is really much better.

So here we go! We've taken off the theoretical arm bans and plunged into the world of blogging.

Ta

Fraser and Charlotte

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